Dear Single Friend,

A few years ago, I wrote a blogpost to both my single and non-single friends. Read it here.

Since it’s been awhile since I’ve written a lifestyle piece, but mainly because I want to share my heart in hope that someone out there is encouraged, here is my post to all of the single men and women out there. (I am highly aware that there are a lot of other resources/books/articles that others have written that is probably way better than what will be shared here, but all the same, here is my letter to you all.)

Dear Single Friend,

You are meant to thrive. Right here. Right now.

I will be the first among us to admit that I desire a relationship, BUT, at the same time I am so content with where life has me. If I had to go back and do this whole thing over again, I would still make the choices I have made that have led me to where I’m at now. Yes, I may be in my mid 20s and have never been on an official date (say what?), but that is perfectly okay. I have so much gratitude for my single years and wouldn’t trade them for anything.

A lot of us are very futuristic minded, and while that is a good thing, I also think that often we forget to thrive in the present season that we are in. If we are constantly looking to what’s next, we will never become satisfied. We will constantly be looking for the next best thing or for the person that will complete you (which spoiler alert, no person on earth can complete you), and at the end of the day, this will leave us empty. God created you and I to thrive in every season that we are in, to grow+be strong in our character, relationships, and ministries. Not ten years from now, but today, right where you are sitting, you are flourishing. Embrace the gift of today.

Dear Single Friend,

Love yourself and know your worth.

I think the only way we can love others well is that we have to first love ourselves. This goes for all kinds of relationships and friendships. Self-love is important and part of that self-love is seeing yourself not through the eyes of others, but through the eyes of God. Don’t beat yourself up or compare yourself to the people around you, and think, man, if I could just be like so and so, then maybe someone could love me. That is a complete lie. God loves you without condition, and when you are able to have grace for yourself and your own quirks and flaws, then you’ll better be able to give people the love that they, in all their quirks and flaws alike, deserve. God didn’t create you to be like so and so, God created you to be YOU and when you discover your worth, you’ll be able to receive the love that you deserve.

Dear Single Friend, 

Have fun.

Go experience new places and meet new people along the way. This goes along with thriving in the season that you are in. Don’t wait to check off some of those bucket list items, because there are so many opportunities as a single person that you may not get to do in another season of life.

For me, it’s travel. I don’t plan for that part of my life to stop once I am married and start my own family one day, BUT, it is much easier to plan a trip to go to Hawaii at the drop of a hat with two of your best friends than it is once you have a family (which, by the way, two of my dearest friends and I just purchased tickets to go to Hawaii next month. So pumped.)

I’ve been so blessed to have some amazing experiences in my nearly quarter of a century life. From trekking through the Andes Mountains of Peru to having tea in the gardens of Downton Abbey’s Highclere Castle to spending Thanksgiving eating pizza off the Amalfi Coast in Italy to riding camels through Morocco’s deserts, I am so thankful to have seized the opportunity to see the world+do it alongside some of my favorite people.

Dear Single Friend, 

Discover what YOU are passionate about. Discover who you are.

You were created with a unique purpose and calling. I’m sure you have heard that many times before, but let it be a reminder that it is during your single years that you can discover the things you are passionate about, and the calling God has for YOU. Because, I believe that when you know your values, and the certain things you are passionate about, especially in the ways your heart beats for moving the Kingdom forward, your ministry will compliment the person God has for you. I tell our young people this all the time, but don’t sacrifice your ministry for marriage. This is key. Keep serving and worshiping God, and at the right time, someone will come alongside you to serve in that same capacity.

Dear Single Friend,

Don’t take things too seriously. And, don’t be afraid to get to know people, even people who you wouldn’t have considered getting to know previously.

I’m going to tread lightly on this one. I think oftentimes in our Christian communities, we can easily over-spiritualize the relationship process. Do I believe that you should be prayerful about relationships? 100% YES. Do I believe you should be incredibly prayerful about saying yes or no to going out for coffee with a guy/gal? No. It’s just coffee.

Don’t get ahead of the relationship process mentally and emotionally before you’ve ever even gone on a casual date with someone. Get your head out of the clouds and come hang out here on earth, investing into friendships that challenge and encourage you along the way. Hang out in group settings. Get to know people that are different from you. I think it’s great to meet new people, learn what you are looking for in a future relationship, and have fun along the way.

Dear Single Friend,

Spend less time worrying, and more time doing. Pour into others. Learn along the way.

Rather than wondering why I’m still single or if anyone out there is compatible for me, I’ve decided to spend my time learning, growing+pouring into those around me.

It’s not always easy, especially when you get into leadership in the ministry. I come home from work to an empty apartment and wish I could just pour out my thoughts, next steps, and dreams for the ministry that God has entrusted to me to another human being, but instead, it’s just me. Except, that it’s not. This ministry isn’t mine. It’s God’s. Even though it would be lovely to team up with someone, that’s not what God has for me right now. God keeps meeting me where I am and then reminds me that I have a team of both married and single people in my church who come alongside me and provide the support that is needed. Teams aren’t just made up of married couples. Teams are made up of the church body.

Being single also gives you more time to pour into individual lives. I can more easily come home from work and teach a FaceTime Bible Study with someone, rather than worrying about what I have to make for dinner to meet my family’s needs. (Don’t worry. I still make dinner for myself, although it’s a struggle because I hate cooking. Some things never change, even after you’ve been on your own for 3 years.) This is a small example that you do have more time as a single person. It’s just a given fact.

Use this time to learn. Read books, study, grow not only in your relationship with God, but also in the things you are passionate about, whether that be a certain hobby or skill. For me, it’s photography and writing. For you, it might be basket weaving and ukulele lessons. I have no idea what that thing is that gets you fired up, but keep learning. My grandfather once told me, “I want to learn something new every day.” And, that’s how he lived his life, through every season. So, I say to you and I, let’s do the same.

Lastly, remember this:
God writes the best stories. And, your story has already begun. 

Cheers until next time, friends!
-Jen

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2 thoughts on “Dear Single Friend,

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