We need moments. Moments where you and I slow down the shutter speed, and look at the intricacies of a photograph’s elements. In an instantaneous world of Facebook likes and Instagram hearts, we view one another’s lives with the smallest of all microscopes. Our social media posts convey the beauty of life, the wonderful feelings of what it means to be alive, and the highlights of our day, whether that be an overpriced coffee or dipping our toes in the warm summer sand. But,there is a silence in the social media world: a silence that doesn’t speak of the hardships, the tears, the uncertainties, the loneliness, the trials, the depression, the fill in the blank. Whatever it may be, you and I both need to recognize that there is a silence that spreads across our social media platforms.
If a stranger was to view my social media account, I could understand the feelings they might receive upon first glance. In the past month, I’ve traveled to Peru, I’ve ventured through the great city of Seattle, and I’ve spent time with both old and new friends alike. However, that stranger might be surprised to find that the past two months have been two of the most difficult months of my life. I am not here to vent, for this is not the time or the place (that’s what my journal is for. Quick PSA: a journal is one of life’s best investments); however, I want to shed light on the fact that none of us are living a perfect, ideal life, which is why we need one another, the body of Christ. And, more so, our humanity sheds light on the fact that we so desperately need Jesus. First and foremost.
This summer, I have moved away from Los Angeles and have been living on my own in a cute loft above a garage. While Seattle is a wonderful, quite the artsy Jen kind of town, I still have ached for home, familiar faces, and community. It has made me appreciate and understand so much more what Ruth must have gone through when she left everything she had ever known and moved to a foreign land with Naomi. My immediate family is spread across three different states, and no matter how independent I make myself out to be, there are times when I so wish I could sit around the table and see their faces for more than just five days at a time.
For the past five months, I have been interning with World Vision, which has been the most extraordinary experience. However, one month from now, that internship comes to an end.I have applied to many different jobs, and yet, still have no indication and absolutely no clue as to where my future lies in just one month from now. It is nerve wrecking and literally, nail biting. I am living the college life budget as a post-grad (which as my father puts so eloquently, it means that I’m buying the least expensive brand of oatmeal for dinner.)
And, in this unknown stage of life, with bills and college loans piling high, with hesitation in my voice when asked “Where is home?” and with no stability, I am learning what it means to trust God with absolutely everything that I am.
Social Media will not speak of the tears, the fervent prayers and the wrestling of my faith. But, through it all, God is still faithful. In the King James Bible, the word Trust is mentioned 134 times. I pray that it doesn’t take me 40 years to learn it like the Israelite’s. However, once again, I am learning what it means to trust God with every fiber of my being, with my daily manna, and with a future that is knowingly in His hands.
I’ve had moments where I take just one glance at the piling bills, the closed doors in job applications, and a few other unmentionable things, and I begin to sink under the waves, just like Peter. But, God begins to cry out to me and he cries out to you, “Do you have faith in me? Do you trust me in the storm?”
In my 22 years of living, I have learned that the storms in our lives are necessary. They are refining moments, sanctifying moments and treasured moments with our King. I may not know how to answer people when they ask me, “Where is home?” but I can be certain of one thing: My desire, my hope and my joy is found in my eternal home. In the unknown and in the lonely desert, I have found myself searching for Him by myself. It may be uncomfortable at first, exhausting and difficult as the sun beats down on your neck, but my darling, at the end of the day, it is so worth it when you fall in love with Him just a little more and your faith rises with the moon in dusk’s skies.
While I am living in the day to day moment of uncertainty, I can be one certain about one thing: God is faithful. And, with that thought, my lungs relax and my spirit is at peace while the silence still echoes with each social media post.